Top military experts in the US have claimed that the WAR on innocent people who happen to live in Afghanistan is not having the desired effect. “Winning hearts and minds with Shock and Awe is ineffective” says General May-Hemn. “To bring peace to the area we need more men on the ground, more weapons, more depleted... More

Les Scott, younger brother to ex-comedian Terry Scott and now a member of Manshitty, yesterday blasted his old manager for saying nasty things about him. “I didn’t play as well as I could have against them(Gooners) but it wasn’t my fault. I gave 100% but they (Gooners) played so much better than we did. Besides,... More

Little chef, Edward Elizabeth Hitler, who is just 4′ 3″ and is the smallest chef in Britain, has won a top food industry award it was revealed last night. Hitler, 44, took up the challenge of providing second rate nosh for top rate prices last year. He won the award with cow cheeks and cow pie. Desperate Dan said “It’s... More

The National Health Socialists have today announced that all old people can donate any spare body parts they no longer require. Dr Joe Mangler, the former Australian actor, who became the head of the NHS in 2008 said “Because old people are nearly dead anyway, it makes sense to harvest from them any body parts we need. We are... More

The manager formally known as “Purple Hair-Dryer” has admitted to recoverypages that he is scared that the other big clubs in the premiership might be able to beat his bunch of  big girls blouses when they meet one of them this weekend. A spokesman for the G00ners made a comment, but he had a mouthful of jellied eels... More

Manchester based rock band No-Way-Sis have announced they are to split after the two brothers admitted they no longer spoke to each other. Sources close to the brothers have said they have been passing messages to each other via their mate Bob for the last 3 years. Things came to a head last night when Bob collapsed from nervous... More

Ex pop star and philanthropist, Michael Jackson is still dead.  Figures released by Mediawave (the newswire hotwire line to the stars) have also suggested that Jackson, who would have been 51 this week, is more popular now than ever before. Many of his fans still haven’t ruled out a comeback tour.  Read More →

A man from Coventry was left stunned and confused yesterday after finding a small piece of cheese in his refrigerator. The cheese, thought to be Gorgonzola, made a quick escape after taking a video recorder and a colour portable TV. A spokesperson for Coventry Police has stated this a one off incident and is unlikely to happen again.  Read More →